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  • Writer's pictureVermontime

Brattleboro VT Radio Station Plays 35-Year-Old Songs; Is Immediately Condemned For Being Too Modern

Updated: Mar 28, 2018

In a daring move early Friday morning, Brattleboro's favorite rock station WKVT 92.7 cracked opened their musical vaults and updated their playlists to include hits from the 80s and 90s. Within hours, dozens of angry listeners rushed to 92.7’s Facebook page to post relevant and poignant comments expressing their displeasure about modern music being blended in to the rotation of the same twenty Classic Rock songs they have listened to every day for the last 40 years.

“This is awful, Mostly the older people who are retirering move up here an We are not Happy with Change!!!”, said a woman quoting her husband who couldn’t post his own comment because he was frantically searching the region’s three other radio stations for any sign of a 70's guitar solo.

“It's become like the rest of the other transgender ‘classic’ rock stations on the airwaves around here”, said another former listener who managed to correctly use air quotes in text form while simultaneously invoking one of the nation’s most sensitive political issues to emphasize the seriousness of his outrage.

Sensing that their new playlist wasn’t causing enough trouble, WKVT then introduced their new slogan “We Play Everything” - immediately triggering an investigation into the station's violation of Vermont’s “One Change Law”. This law mandates that private businesses are only allowed to make one significant improvement to their company per year without further local approval.

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WKVT’s shocking unilateral decision to force these unnecessary updates upon their listeners from deep inside their massive 3,600 square-foot corporate headquarters was instantly recognized as a serious threat to the decades of work being done by many in the region to repel the integration of new cultural phenomena.

While some people appreciated the change, the online firestorm eventually morphed into confusion when one very angry man told WKVT, “You just became a cookie cutter radio station … alredy deleted you out of the presets”. Discussion was temporarily halted as most grown adults under 40 frantically searched Google to learn what a “preset” is.

In the end, the conversation’s most serious moment occurred when a man posed a question about the possibility of WKVT’s new “We Play Everything” slogan creating an absolutely astonishing unintended consequence: “Does this mean Opera and Country too?”, he asked. The sense of immediate fear was palpable but quickly subsided when a WKVT representative assured everyone that Britney Spears was as bad as it would get.

Yeah, this is satire :) But the Facebook posts and quotes are real, bad spellings and all... check out 92.7's Facebook page to see the comments about their change in format:

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